Social Rejection of Persons on Sex Offender Registry

(Weekly Update #232)

Dear Members and Advocates,

This weekly update is dedicated to Matthew.

I know you already received a weekly update this week, but that topic and the response to it was so important that I feel compelled to write another – because the message can be lifesaving.  I wrote about rejection and the chronic social rejection people on the registry are exposed to. The laws restrict where we can live, work and go, but the stigma makes it near impossible for anyone to live, work or go there with us. The oppression and isolation can become crippling for many of us. In some cases it can lead to death.

In response to this week’s update I asked people to respond (either by replying to the email or in the comments section of where we post them online) and it was heartwarming to see how many of you did. I was thinking of a way to share the general theme of the responses in a way that would let you know that you’re not alone, when I received one email that hit me quite hard and personally. It wasn’t from a registrant, but from his mother. Here’s an excerpt of the email we received from Matthew’s mom:

“Six months ago my 31 year old Son passed away. He was on the registry . At 20 he was caught in one of those Craigslist stings while away for his senior year at UCF… He was very bright and talented and had his whole life ahead of him. Instead, his life was ruined when he was put on the registry. He could not get out from the self-loathing. His drinking and depression just got worse over the ten years on the registry. He hated himself and carried so much shame… My husband found him dead in his home.”

This had been the first time Matthew’s mom shared his story outside her family, but she said the weekly update really struck home and she wanted to share the damage the registry did to her family. When I asked if she would mind if I dedicated the next weekly update to her son, she wrote back, “I would not mind if you share Matt’s story if it could help someone else who might feel like he did. I hope they realize that they are worthy of love, caring and respect from friends, loved ones and society just like every other person.”

I received the reply last night and didn’t want to wait until next week to write something. I couldn’t. If Matthew’s story can save just one life, I wanted to get it out immediately and to reach as many people as possible. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. These feelings of isolation and profound depression are not exclusive to you. The chronic social rejection created by the registry is not only leading to social death but it’s leading to actual death! And it’s all a big waste because the registry does not work. What will work? What will make the public safer? What will save lives? The exact opposite of what the registry does!

It might be a little off-topic, but I encourage all of you to watch this TED Talk about Addiction. The video talks about a lack of connection being the catalyst for many of society’s problems – in that case; addiction. We can see no better example of this phenomenon than the recent pandemic. The World Health Organization reported a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide since COVID-19. The lack of direct, person-to-person connection had a dramatic effect on people. This was occurring even before the pandemic, where depression and suicidal ideation has gone up dramatically in teenagers and young adults since the mid-2000’s. The major difference being that they spend much less time connecting with their peers in person and more time connecting via their smartphones, which is much less emotionally satisfying and more isolating than sitting down with friends and connecting in a deep, empathic way.

We’re trying desperately to save lives here at FAC. Whether it’s getting people off the streets, enabling families to reunite, or building a community that will give our population (including their friends, families and loved ones) that meaningful connection we all so desperately need to survive, know that we are here and if we come together we can (and will) make this better. We are not animals, we are human beings. We are worthy of love, caring and respect from friends, loved ones and society, just like every other person.

I have two asks for this week. The first is to write two notes. Please take a moment to send some encouraging words to Matt’s parents. Out of respect for their privacy we are not going to share their names or information, but you can send an email to info@floridaactioncommittee.org and let them know they are not alone. They lost their son. Your note will give them his legacy. Also please take a moment to send some encouraging words to someone on the registry. Let them know you are thinking of them, you care about them and they are not alone. If you need a suggestion as to who you can write to, consider writing some words of encouragement to Stephanie, the sole plaintiff in the Ex Post Facto Plus II challenge (you can also send those emails to info@floridaactioncommittee.org).  She is standing up, on her own, to fight on behalf of all registrants. It must be terrifying. She is someone that can use some encouragement.

The second ask is for you to stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you are worthy. Make a promise to yourself to do something to end our suffering today, so that tomorrow we can be one step closer to abolishing the registry. Know you are not alone and with unity comes change!

Sincerely,

The Florida Action Committee