Member Submission: Not Helpless
By Don
I have repeatedly heard people report that only a small fraction of those on the registry in Florida have joined the Florida Action Committee. Some might suggest that this is because there are many who are unaware of the organization. Others suggest there may be fear of retribution. I have heard that some do not join because of the cost—a clear mistake as there is only a suggested donation, not a requirement of annual dues. There may be other reasons given, but they seem hollow and empty.
When I first arrived in Florida, a friend went online and located the names and telephone numbers of the registrants in my small city. I wanted to find a support group, as I previously had found this was an important aspect of continued recovery and mutual encouragement. I called each person. In most cases either the phone was not answered, or when the phone was answered they immediately hung up. There was only one person who spoke with me. It was clear he did not want to talk, even when I told him I wanted to locate a support group that I could join. He told me there once had been a support group, but it had disbanded. It was unclear why that was. He told me he was sure no one wanted such a group again.
But even among members of the Florida Action Committee, there are those who remain detached and removed from local activities as well as state-wide initiatives. We can admire the fact that people have some affiliation with FAC, but often we wonder why they do not get more involved. Calls to action may not draw many responses—with several notable exceptions—and participation in county-wide groups is often low. How can this be?
I do not fault the incredible work of the FAC leaders, both at the state and county levels. I applaud the fine work of our leadership. The weekly and monthly updates reveal their hard work, yet much of the activity goes unrecognized. They serve well and without compensation. Major changes take time and a lot of hard work. That is the nature of social change.
But could there be a deeper reason for registrants not taking part in the efforts of FAC and other organizations trying to make changes in Florida and other states of the country? Might there be a reason that many who affiliate with FAC and like-minded groups do not participate more often? I am convinced there is.
It is possible that “learned helplessness” may be a partial explanation of inactivity by some members as well as those who are not members of FAC. Learned helplessness is a classic description of why people and animals sometimes do not exercise the abilities they have to change things for the better. Most general psychology textbooks, including one I helped author, describe research studies by Martin Seligman who experimented with dogs. Later researchers considered these issues in their study of human beings who were resigned to terrible situations, yet made little or no effort to escape.
In the initial study, dogs were restrained by a harness and then given shocks from which they were unable to escape. Then the dogs were released and could easily avoid the shocks by simply jumping over hurdles. But the dogs did nothing to escape; they received the shocks and made no effort to avoid the pain.
In contrast, another group of dogs was given the same shocks, but were able to avoid them from the very beginning. They did not learn to be helpless. They continued to avoid the pain. We feel sorrow that the dogs experienced these things, but there is greater sorrow for people who have this problem.
Seligman and other researchers examined the effects of lack of control by human beings, and the reactions that ensued. Those who have little control over their lives, such as those in prison or nursing homes, suffer from higher levels of stress and lower morale. When prisoners were allowed more control over the environment—by moving chairs, controlling television, and the like, and similarly, when nursing homes provided more choices for residents, both health and morale of prisoners and the elderly improved. Some degree of control decreased the sense of learned helplessness.
Most registrants have experienced the demoralizing aspects of incarceration. This has been well documented for more than half a century. Too often there is very little if any control of the environment. Thus it seems that inmates learn to be helpless. I experienced this first-hand when in jail and prison. The reality of who was in control was obvious: the officers in charge, affirmed by the omnipresent barbed wire that surrounded the facility.
Is it any wonder that so many former inmates experience learned helplessness? Perhaps more amazing is the fact that some are able to break free of this problem. Support groups may help explain how this is possible, but the sense of our efforts making a difference is also crucial.
I see FAC doing what it can to overcome the problem of learned helplessness. Highlighting gains that are made is essential. Changes for the better clearly reveal the value of working together with FAC toward a common goal, but also reveals that each of us helps influence the changes that result. It proves we are not powerless; instead we are empowered. Any gain, no matter how limited, reveals that additional improvement is possible. Forming and joining support groups like Fearless will bring an additional sense of empowerment as well as encouragement.
Even posting a message like this one, or a response to a posted message on the FAC website, reveals that hope is not lost. We must convince others on the registry of this fact, and that by working together we can make gains we otherwise could not. Inactive members, current members, and non-members need to recognize that we are not helpless, but we need to be a part of the great work being done by FAC. This is where one-to-one relationships can be made with those who know little about us. We must repeatedly convey the message to one another, in every way we can, that life outside prison is not just another prison. There is much to be gained. No, we are not helpless. The old Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song was wrong. I loved their music, but they had it dead wrong. We are not helpless. We can join hands and change our world for the better.
All too true don’t thank you for putting it so elegantly. In hope there is change and in change there is hope.
As someone who’s been bullied my entire life, starting with my male parent, then by teachers and classmates, on to supervisors and coworkers, and then by LEOs and inmates, this is a very real issue. I’m doing a 12 step program and the first step says to “admit I’m powerless.” I can’t remember a time when I WASN’T powerless. And then I get out and go to court ordered therapy where I’m hit with the message “you aren’t a victim, you’re a victimizer” and my very real issues like PTSD are treated like they don’t matter, and the only way to graduate from this is to go full on self abasement and demonstration of self hatred to the “therapist” who profits off of packing his office full of people he can instill with this hopelessness.
I’ve made friends since I got out, but I fear the day one of them Googles me. I can never date again because I hear all these stories about the loved ones of RCs being victimized and I can’t do that to someone I love. My own family can’t be openly supportive of me. They have to do it “on the low,” because no one wants to be known as even associating with someone in my situation. I have a podcaster I know, and I told them “my story could take up an entire season of your show, at the cost of your entire audience.” In the 12 step program, I know I will never be one who gets up front and gives my testimony because the fear will not let me let anyone in.
Vindicated
I don’t know which 12 step group that you are in. I am in SA. SA saved my life after I was arrested. The members gave me strength and courage. Yes, the first step is admission to being powerless. But read the next steps, which say to you that you are only powerless alone. Get a sponsor. Read the book, blue or white, etc. Share your story. Talk to your sponsor and share with your group. Move forward my friend, for you surely meet others on the road to a happy destiny.
Thank You for the obvious observation. I’m aware that the information on this sight is also available to our enemies but that is alright. Maybe they can learn something. They have our internet connections and probably check these , although I have no proof of that. But I have noticed that the officer that I check in with has become more hospitable since I’ve been on this sight. So just maybe all of your comments here are having more of an impact than you know.
If you don’t make an effort to accomplish good you will only accomplish no good.
Those are some very interesting thoughts, DavidM.
One of the finest pieces I have ever seen anywhere on our plight!! Every agency in Texas that would help other excons would not help me. No family or Church assistance and you are homeless! Big cities, you won’t go hungry. Florida, you won’t even get the time of day, as a registrant.
Hopeless and homeless I’ve been! Hopeless, homeless, helpless, No More!
FAC, ACSOL,NARSOL and Every other SOL I can find, until I am in the grave and can fight THEM, no more!
We call it ‘cocooning’ and even had a breakout session concerning that at our last conference.
Don’t forget that ACSOL and WAR are collaborating on the ‘Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork events in DC in 2023’. A conference, visits to legislators on the hill and what is going to be a ‘very impactful’ vigil on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court on the 20th anniversary of the Smith v. Doe decision.
Please plan to be involved. Janice and I will be giving updates during the WAR Room session on March 8th. Our next guest will be Margaret Love from the Collateral Consequences Resource Center on February 22nd. You can register by sending an email to contact@warfamilyfoundation.org with WAR Room in the subject line..
That was supposed to say I do thank you for putting it so elegantly
I totally agree, but don’t see it happening. The police do not care they are just doing their job. I am a registered offender from North Carolina. I had a misdemeanor charge and eligible to be removed from registration but have no money for such. Last year I was arrested for a mistake of not registering a lawn trailer that can’t be used. Served 3 days in jail finally made bail. Got a public defender and am now serving 18 months’ probation, house arrest, electronic monitoring, and fines you would not believe. I am sorry but I do not have much hope for this country. Unless you have money, it looks pretty hopeless to me. All this for a mistake and not even a registering offense.
AL, I’m also a PFR in NC. Everyone’s experience is different; I have a friend that doesn’t have issues with his PO or sheriff’s office. Mine gave me crap in the beginning but has mostly calmed down. I worry that I may get some real spiteful ones if I move; then again, I could get somewhere/someone that treats me like any other citizen.
I am glad that FAC, WAR, NARSOL, etc. have similar goals and collaborate on things.
AL…
Yes If You Have Money, Money Rules The Roost!
Or If You Are a LEO or Someone Who Took an Oath of Office, You get Off…and Your Mugshot Never Ever Appears on the Internet-that is wrong…and most of the bad things about you never appear on the internet!–A Disgusting World We Live In!
This is what happens when we…and I use the term loosely…put liberal/progressive/communists in charge. They always have a plan to cover their illegal activity.
Don, beautifully stated and I believe so true!
Moderated, this 1 is up to you
Well written sir,
Might I add that families should be made aware of fac or anyone who knows of a person that is or was on this unconstitutional registry,,,,
Then if you really want to inform more people go to the pastors of Jesus Christ preaching churches and just ask
WWJD, he didn’t hang out with the kings or tax collectors (government),,,, Jesus hung out with the lepers, convicts , whores, so maybe the pastors,,,,
IF they have the true spirit in them, they will come,, and find a way to help. If not then they are not following the word,,,
I know that is a pretty big ask,
But if it is presented in the right way I believe it is doable..
I have talked to a local here in Michigan and things are moving,
All be it slowly BUT it is moving.
The more one gets involved with the plight of others, the more one is able to find internal strength. We are born with the strength to resist evil, we just have to find it and put it to work.
Learned helplessness is just a symptom of the bigger stressors – hopelessness and powerlessness. It goes along with the vilification and demonization as a result of your personal information being blasted Online forever.
There is zero piece of mind. Yet, they (the courts) have the gall to make us prove “affirmative restraint.”
Having a sex offense on your record can make one feel hopeless, helplessness, lonely, lost, and other negative emotions. Our pasts may not be the same; yet we are all painted under the same brush. We’ve all experienced difficult things on the hit list, yet the most important is to know you aren’t alone. Some may be worse, better, or the same as you however failure isn’t an option. We must ban together to fight for registrants’ families, friends, supporters, ourselves, and future generations. Never give up hope and never let the government define you as a person, let yourself define who you are today and not what you were. Together we can overcome this bull crap we just have to stay strong and focus on the goalposts.
If the truth be known, we have ALL committed some form of ‘sex offense’ in our lives. It is built into the human DNA to at the very minimum consider some sort of sexual act. The Bible tells us that ‘lusting’ alone is a sin and a sex offense in the eyes of God. Little by little the secret lives of our ‘holier than thou’ politicians is being exposed. A sex offense is nothing to be proud of but as humans something we probably can’t avoid in a lifetime. When we ‘screw up’ we need to admit our failure as a human, know our weaknesses, get back into life and strive to do better in our self-control. It is ‘perfect’ politicians and their abilities to hide their failures…and they have them you can bet…that is our concern today. If we can’t change their attitude, then we need to work on exposing them for who they are.