“Living while Registered” – Traumas and Triggers
(Weekly Update #192)
Dear Members and Advocates,
Unless you are part of a marginalized group, the constant fear and apprehension that comes with being profiled and stereotyped is inconceivable. I am not African-American, so the phrase “driving while black” to describe the racial profiling of African-American drivers that lead to unwarranted traffic stops and automatic suspicion does not apply to me, but I can certainly emphasize with the emotions the phrase evokes because I am “living while registered.”
Here’s an example… I’m driving along in my car, when all of a sudden I see a police car behind me. Did he pull behind me intentionally or did he just happen to wind up in my lane? My heart starts racing. I make sure I’m staying below the speed limit and abiding by all the traffic rules as we proceed down the road. My mind starts going through a checklist of all the possibilities. Did I renew my tag? Could it be one of my brake lights is out? No, I definitely took care of my tag and there are no warning lights on my dashboard. There is no reason for this guy to have pulled up behind me like this. He must be running my tag. Oh no! He’s going to see I’m on the registry and find some excuse to pull me over and harass me.
By this point I can literally feel my hands slipping on the steering wheel because my palms have begun to sweat so badly. I should change lanes or pull into this strip mall, but that will make me look suspicious and the last thing I want right now is more attention. I debate reaching for the phone to call my wife and let her know what’s going on, just in case. Just in case what? I’m not sure, but by this point I’ve convinced myself that I need to let somebody know what’s going on so they can line up an attorney.
I glance in my rear view mirror and see the police car make a right turn at the intersection I just passed. I quickly scan the cars around me to make sure he’s gone. He’s gone. A rush of relief comes over me. I can feel my grip on the steering wheel loosen and the sweat that’s accumulated at the back of my neck suddenly feels refreshingly cool. With a moment free of panic to think back about what just happened, I’m able to apply some rational thought to the situation. I know I was doing nothing wrong. The officer was just randomly in my lane. Even though it had felt like an eternity, he had only been behind me for half a block. Do I have PTSD?
This is “living while registered”. To some degree, this is an emotional state I experience multiple times per week and has permeated every aspect of my life. At work I anticipate co-workers finding out about my status. At home I expect every knock on the door is my address verification. Whenever I have to pass through a community guard gate, register for an event, show my driver’s license… to some degree I experience a wave of panic that has become part of my mental state and takes a toll on my personal and professional life.
This weekend, FAC’s Broward County Coordinators will be hosting a meet and greet in Hollywood, Florida. The guest speaker at this event will be Dr. Jill Levenson, who is one of the most widely respected researchers in the areas of treatment and policies relating to persons required to register. Her topic will be “Understanding Our Traumas and Triggers.” For anyone who is “living while registered” or have a loved one who is, there is a good chance you can relate to the experience described above and would benefit from hearing Dr. Levenson’s presentation.
If you don’t live in the area or can’t make this week’s meet and greet. FAC County and Regional Coordinators host meet and greets throughout the State on a regular basis. Please read our weekly updates for information on upcoming events. Not only is it a way to network for information and referrals from others navigating the registry, but it is also a way to find a sense of community and support for those who are feeling isolated, ostracized and experiencing the same emotional challenges that you are.
We hope to see you soon!
The Florida Action Committee
ANNOUNCEMENTS
New Calendar of Events – Keep up with Meet-and-Greets in your area, Support groups, Membership Calls, and other events. Click Here for Calendar, and double click on the event to view details and RSVP instructions. For questions, contact membership@floridaactioncommittee.org or call 833-273-7325,Option 1.
- Meet and Greet in Broward County (Hollywood) Sat Feb 26th from 11:00am-2:00pm
- Monthly Membership Call Thursday March 3 at 8pm. Topic: Registration Requirements Guest speaker is a Public Defender. Dial 319-527-3487
- Join the County Coordinator Team. Only requirement is your desire to HELP us organize your county. Training starts this week for new Coordinators. Choose best day/time for you: Sun Feb 20 at 7:00pm OR Wed Feb 23 at 7:00pm OR OR Sun Feb 27. Dial (760) 548-9898.
- Family Support Group (by Zoom) Sat Mar 12th from 11:00am-1:00pmET
SOME HEADLINES FROM THE WEEK
TX: Houston area police department scans license plates for registrants.
This is a concerning story out of Texas. The Memorial Villages Police Department, like many other municipalities, has installed license plate scanners to flag vehicles that travel through their city. Instead of just using the scanners to search for active warrants,…read more
KY: Will fear mongering make it harder for registrants to live in long term care facilities?
Note that: However, since our report, Kentucky Senator David Yates, D-Louisville, and State Senator Aaron Freeman, R-Indianapolis, are considering draft legislation on full disclosure. This is awful. It’s not in response to anything bad happening, it’s simply in…read more
Call To Action – Oppose SB 1732
Click here for printable Call-to-Action. Contains Senate Committee contact information, talking points, and instructions for your call to action on SB 1732. In Summary, SB 1732: Creates new statute 83.555 “Landlord immunity from liability for leasing to persons with…read more
Employers should “rethink” using criminal histories in hiring decisions, researchers say
One in three adults in the United States has been arrested at least once, a strikingly high number compared with many other countries. Now, a new study reveals one of the implications of that figure: Nearly half of unemployed U.S. men have criminal convictions, which…
I would love to be in on one of the group calls, but that’s the same time I have my court ordered group therapy. Feeling marginalized is rough. I definitely have PTSD, from abusive upbringing, social isolation due to various circumstances (including the fact that sticking out as a nerdy kid in the 80’s was not at all like the nostalgia based movies and sitcoms make it out to be), and then becoming an RC with no prior criminal history and being stuck doing time surrounded by people who very vocally wanted me dead. It’s struck me with the fear of connecting with others due to fear of being “outed,” let alone dating. The walls I already had up before becoming an RC basically became Fort Knox afterwards. Any time I hear a siren or helicopter or even see a vehicle with official labels and lights, I freeze, fearing the worst. Despite not having a history of making or even getting into trouble, the fear of an LEO (or even a neighbor) deciding that I “got off too easy” and deciding to enforce their own moral (or lack thereof) code has me wanting to hide in my room, forgetting what freedom looks like altogether.
Vindicated
I will keep you in my prayers so you can have peace and comfort.
In the meantime I give you this verse from the good book.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
Do like I do, pull into a nearby business. 90% of the time they will drive right past you. I also will switch lanes at least once and see what they do. Often they will speed on past you. If they change lanes behind you, pull into a well lit and populated area like a walmart or Gas station so there are witnesses.
Been a long time since I have been pulled over. I use to work in law enforcement, but now that I am on the registry, I get as nervous as anyone else. Just in all walks of life, there are good and bad cops. I have been pulled over by really cool cops who give a warning, even after running my license, then some really jerk ones where I was stopped in a Publix parking lot for Shopping while being registered.
Got pulled over for speeding. Officer ran my info, issued me a warning, and added, “since you’re on probation, remember to notify your PO within 72 hours or it’ll be a violation, Ok?” Then I was on my way.
A guy in my group got pulled over for busted taillight. Officer urged him to get it fixed, then they shook hands and went their separate ways.
The more these situations unfold this way, the more my discomfort diminishes over time.
Address checks I must have had over a dozen by now. No one’s been dramatic or disrespectful, and often they are over in a matter of seconds.
The more non-dramatic address checks I get, the less I jump when the doorbell rings.
Once in awhile I’ve gotten an urgent-sounding call from my registration office over some apparent glitch. Each time, it has been worked out without incident. As have my numerous visits there.
While I try not to let my guard down, each time these contacts happen without incident, the stress is less and less.
A lot of what helps with this is just being an FAC member. It makes me more confident in my knowledge of the law, so I don’t become one of those “I didn’t know I was supposed to register that” type of arrestees.
To: Sometimes
Well with the “New edition” of the registry seemingly coming out every week, they will have to create a separate library just to store all the volumes. We are required to memorize all 44 Million words by heart and recite them on the spot or be sent to the gallows.
Although sarcasm, that is how I feel things have gone from zero to 50 from when I was first put on the registry in 1997. If they keep adding rules and restrictions, we will all have to be the first people to volunteer for that Mars Mission.