A Florida Native

The hardest part of telling you my biography is where to start. To fully understand what I have gone through and the direction my life is going, it would be beneficial to start at the beginning.

I was born a native of Florida and had a normal childhood. My love for nature kept me alert and thirsty for more knowledge throughout my education years. I have always been a good person and never got into trouble or arrested. It was in the summer of 1978 that my world fell apart. My oldest brother had committed suicide and for a teenager just starting high school, it was a hard thing that affected my life well into my 30’s. Without any kind of consoling or anyone to answer some of my questions, I fell into a world of deep depression and drug addiction. I would suffer from alcoholic black-outs and always lived life on the edge. I blamed myself for the death of my brother and believed then that I could of stopped him.

I was with my first girlfriend of five years before, during and after my brother’s suicide. Although we both enjoyed animals and the great outdoors, my depression was to overwhelming for our relationship (something one doesn’t see at the time). A few months after we broke up I met and fell in love with the person I knew would be the mother of our children. It was 1983. We worked together at a local zoo and were like two peas in a pod. We married in 1987. My life changed when we had our first born in 1991 and our second child in 1993.

We started going to church and were homeschooling our children. I was the primary income source for our family working at water treatment facility. Quality time with our children was top priority for me. After work we would go to the zoo, museum, beach, fishing or stay home and work on crafts or do gardening. My wife still wanted to have more children but I did not. We talked about this for many months. She told me to do what I thought was best for me so I had a vasectomy performed in 1995. This is where our life really started changing.

My wife still wanted to have children. Really, it was her parents who wanted a granddaughter more than anything. But there was no way we could afford to have or to raise another child. I was already working long hours at the water treatment plant. My primary shift was 7am to 3 pm and when overtime opened up I would think of the extra money and jump on it to benefit our family. There were many days where I’d work 12 hours, go home and rest for four or six and go back in to pull a 16 hour shift. During this time I would notice changes in my wife, a restless nature. She said she wanted a life. We talked about it and determined that she would go back into the work force. She found a part-time job which allowed me to work a few less hours and spend more time homeschooling our children.Her job allowed her to meet new people and before I knew it, we were drifting apart. The pain of rejection caused me to “medicate” so when she got home at night, instead of staying there and getting the cold shoulder, my friends and I would go fishing which allowed for a distraction to my problems. It never helped heal the pain nor suppress the anger I’ve been living with for years.

By 1997 a huge void had opened up between my wife and I. We were a happy family to the eyes of people and friends around us but inside we were both unhappy. Her unhappiness was because she wanted more children and to be a stay at home mom. My unhappiness was because of guilt. Guilt that I had robbed her of her happiness. I was still dealing with my anger and guilt concerning my oldest brothers suicide over 23 years ago. I was also trying to help and cope with my mothers deterioration from multiple strokes. Not knowing if she was going to pass away and I was going to handle it. We were both unhappy because of my addiction and our co-dependence. I was trying to repair our relationship by myself but was just digging a bigger hole. Then I had an accident on the job and was sent to get drug tested. It came back positive for cannabis and led me to get consoling in order to keep my job.

Consoling was a turning point in my life. I went twice a week and started to open my heart, releasing my concerns and some of the pent up anger. I asked my wife to join in. She did, for about three sessions then she told me that she didn’t have any problems and wasn’t willing to support me. I fulfilled my term with consoling that was set forth by my employer. Although I wanted more, my insurance did not cover it nor could I afford it out of pocket. So we continued through life holding in feelings and pretending to be happy. Things got worse as we neared 1998. I would come from work to watch the children and so she could go to work. The kids would be filthy. There would be feces left in the toilet and the house was always a mess. Our kids school wasn’t being done during the day, it was on me to give them their lessons and help them with their crafts. My wife and I had drifted so far apart that by April of 1998 we decided that I should move out of the master bedroom and sleep in the guest room.

It was around the middle of May in 1998 that my wife and I talked about our situation. Her major complaint was that she wanted a life and that my addiction was too much for her to cope with. It was then that I made a conscious decision to quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, taking pain pills and smoking marijuana. I cut ties with of my “friends” and fishing buddies. I stopped going fishing at night and would write or draw. I had no support group, no sponsor and no help. Two weeks went by and I remained sober, living day by day, believing things were getting better. It was on a Sunday night in June of 1998 that everything went bad.

We were at church. I took my oldest son to his boys group at church and my wife, youngest son and I attended the service inside the church. We were singing hymns and I was feeling so good. I went to put my arm around my wife and she just pushed me away. She was so cold and made me feel so embarrassed, unwanted and alone. Something snapped inside my head. Anger. I left the service and went to the car. I didn’t know what to do. It only seemed natural for me to go to the local gas station where I purchased a pack of cigarettes and a quart of beer. I polished off the beer before I left the station and bought another. Returning to the church, I drank the beer in the car and was chain smoking. When the service got out, my wife got our oldest son from his group and came to the car. I remember us arguing in the car on the short ride home. When we had gotten home she told me she wanted a divorce and my heart sank. I was scared, angry, confused, anxious and the fear of losing my sons was overwhelming.

I left the house and went to a local bar. I drank more beer and a shot or two. I vaguely remember some folks trying to talk to me but I didn’t want to talk or listen. I left and got more beer then went home. When I got home I checked in on my sons. They were sleeping and I remember crying. I remember trying to talk with wife and us arguing more. Bits and pieces of the night would flash across my memories like pictures in a scrap book. I went to get another beer from the fridge. She pushed me and started fighting. I started throwing things as well as her. She kicked, slapped and bit me. I remember falling. She went to go by me and I grabbed her shirt, which tore. I remember the house dark and cuts on my arms. I remember trying to dial the phone. Then I remember waking up in a jail cell and being told I had a Major Depressive Episode.

I was served my divorce papers in jail. I was charged with a list of charges from false imprisonment, aggravated assault, domestic violence and attempted sexual battery. I had never been in trouble before and didn’t know a thing about what to expect. I wanted to die but just kept thinking of my sons. My emotions were all over the place. I stopped eating. My family set bail for me and I was released from jail. I set up an appointment with a psychologist and found help to retain a lawyer. My employer put me on a leave of absence for 60 days. At this time I moved back in with my parents so I could help my father care for my bed-ridden mother. About a month later I get a letter stating they had added child abuse to my charges because my children were in the home while my wife were fighting.

My wife’s lawyer (her brother who was both a public defender and a state attorney with 10 years on each side) and mine tied my criminal case in with my divorce case. Something I was told later on should never of happened. I was given a written deal in which if I was to plead No Contest to Aggravated Battery and False Imprisonment that I would be given five years probation, serve no further jail time and would be able to see my children. Now my defense attorney hardly handled my case, it was divorce lawyer who presented the deal to me. I asked my father what he thought and he said it sounded good so I called my divorce lawyer up and told her. She scheduled me to come in and sign the paperwork.

When I got to the office and read the paperwork, they had listed I was to plead No Contest to Child Abuse and Attempted Sexual Battery, all the other charges would be dropped. I did not want to sign the paperwork and told my attorney the same. She told me if I ever wanted to see my children again, that I should sign or I could be facing five or more years in prison. I was also told that after I did my five years probation that I would be able to have my record sealed and expunged. Then my divorce lawyer told me that if I didn’t sign today, that I would be going to trial. I wanted to sign my name the the term “under protest” written below it but was told not to. Reluctantly I did sign my divorce and criminal agreement papers. In November of 1998 I was sentenced to five of probation with no early term and ordered to pay restitution.

After my sentencing, I lost my job at the water treatment plant. I gained employment at an insulation company and worked there for seven years. I met my second wife there and told her all about my case and that I was listed as a sex offender. She has met my ex-wife and helped me gain visitation with my sons prior to the five year term. She knows my heart and I have helped her raise her daughters, being a prominent father figure in their lives. We also have four beautiful grandchildren with her daughters. My employment with the insulation company ended after the company started doing background checks. I had worked my way up to management, then was quickly demoted and given a job at half the pay. Since then it has been impossible for me to hold employment, going through 10 jobs in just two short years. Without giving up I started my own business and was very successful until the economy collapsed. I now have another job working in the marine industry and have been battling opposition to this day because of my “public” status. Even my facebook account was disabled after having it for nearly two years. Now I can’t stay in touch with my family, friends or old classmates anymore.

When I contacted the Appeals Court about my case, it was too late. I never knew I only had three years to appeal my case. I was told I could seal and expunge my case by law enforcement and attorneys, which isn’t true. Since my release from probation, I have been trying for a full pardon through the office of executive clemency, only to get a letter back stating that they have amended the rules. Even if I do get a pardon, it does not mean that my record will be sealed and expunged nor will I be removed from the sex offender website.

You can not sit there and tell me that we, as a society, can’t do a better job researching who is a threat to our children. Each case should be carefully reviewed. In a case like mine, where I have successfully completed my five year probation term, completed four courses on how to raise children through divorce, have saved the life of a child from drowning while at the beach with my sons, continue to teach my children and grandchildren the values of life and how to try and make the right choices, beat my addiction and have been living a sober life-style for 14 years, have been helping families find quality time by spending time on the water and fishing, and has not been in trouble nor arrested for anything during the last 14 years!

This society needs to check itself. We are lending more and more to the social terrorism that may become communist socialism before we know it. Let the predators remain on the list. Help protect my grandchildren and great children from them someday. Review the cases and remove those who aren’t a threat to society. Those who made a one-time fatal mistake in their life. I offer no threat to anyone. My ex-wife has forgiven me and has even written letters on my behalf to help me gain employment and for clemency so why can’t our politicians do the same. I fight only for myself in my own case. I was the one who was wrong. I was the one who did the time. I am the one who did the work to fix myself and my family. I am the one who asking for grace and mercy so my family may live with a little sense of pride before my time is done.

Take into careful consideration every choice you make in your life, it will affect not only you, but also that of the multitudes.