Billboards give Facts about sex offender registry
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Weekly Update #245
Dear Members and Advocates,
There are a few decisions in my life that I’m not particularly proud of. The first is the obvious. The second, is that at one time in my life I was a smoker. Not a multi-pack-a-day guy, but more of a social smoker. Out for drinks I’d have a few and during the workday I’d step outside for a cigarette just to stretch my legs and have a change of scenery from the cubicle. The job I had was in an office building and instead of going downstairs, I used to stand in the emergency exit stairwell. It was open, almost like a balcony, and it gave me a few minutes of fresh air, sunshine and solitude.
One day, as I was taking my morning break the emergency exit door unexpectedly opened and out came someone. She was about my age, really attractive and apparently knew my secret smoking spot. We smiled, a little bit of small talk and when I was done, I went back inside. I was recently divorced, recently released and focused on trying to get back on my feet. I avoided dating because I didn’t think I was ready, but the truth is it wasn’t dating that I was avoiding, but the inevitable conversation that would come at the start of the relationship that I was avoiding.
A couple of days later I walked out the emergency exit and there she was again. This time a bigger smile, as if she was just as excited to see me as I was to see her. Over the course of the next few weeks I tried to time my cigarette breaks according to when I had previously run into her. It seemed like she was doing the same. In fact, we got so synchronized that half the time I started my walk down the hall, I’d hear the door to the accounting firm she worked at click open. It was cute. We were both clearly doing things to spend more time together, even if it meant having a second cigarette just to get an extra five minutes. From the 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes after lunch, we really got to know each other. We’d talk about work, family, interests, whatever was bothering us or making us happy, and we always had this flirty energy between us.
I was getting clear hints that she was receptive to seeing each other outside the stairwell. “How was your weekend?” turned into “got anything exciting planned for this weekend?” If I mentioned a place, anyplace, she said “I’m dying to go there but I don’t want to go by myself” and one time one of her co-workers cornered me at the elevator and straight-up asked me when I was going to ask her friend out. I knew I had to address things. Not only did I really want to go out with her, but I didn’t want her to think my hesitation had anything to do with her. After a couple of false starts, I made up my mind one weekend; that Monday morning I’d tell her.
Like the precision of a Rolex, at 9:45, the emergency exit door opened and out she came. Before she could say a word and before I had the chance to chicken out, I blurted, “I really like you and have been dying to ask you out, but there’s something about me I want you to know first.” And then I stopped and looked down at the floor. It was hard to get out the words. As I started debating whether I had already passed the point of no return and had tell her, or whether I should quickly name a disease and call it a day, I felt her hand on my arm. I looked up at her and the expression on her face gave me the encouragement to go forward. It’s as if she was silently telling me, “it’s OK, you can tell me anything”. I turned my head back to my feet and said, “well you’ve heard of the sex offender registry, right?” When the response didn’t come immediately I looked back at her face and the expression had changed. It was as if she was silently telling me, “… except that.”
I went on to explain that a few years before I had looked at illegal images on the internet and went to prison, but I could tell that she wasn’t absorbing any information beyond the fact that I was on the registry. Her demeanor had totally changed and when it was clear neither of us knew what to say next, she announced that she better get back to the office. She hadn’t even lit her first cigarette. I know it was a lot to take in, but I was really hopeful that by the time I saw her for the afternoon smoke break she’d have digested it a bit and what’s the worst that could happen? We’d still be friends, and who knows? Friends eventually get together, right? I thought it went well.
That afternoon, she never came out. She also didn’t come out the next day, or the next one, …or ever. I was heartbroken for a couple of months. That was mixed with afraid that she’d tell people in the building and I’d have issues at work. Eventually I stopped thinking about it as much and, more importantly, stopped smoking. One day, months later, we passed each other in the parking garage and just said “hi” as if we barely knew each other. It felt like we barely knew each other too. Weird.
That huge rejection was one that I eventually had to get used to because it happened many more times over the years before I eventually met the right person and got re-married. And it wasn’t just in personal relationships. Professional too. Meetings would go great but I’d never hear back. If I didn’t get ghosted outright, I got ridiculous excuses. One time I actually got un-invited to a party! Of course I knew the real reason and half the time I wasn’t that gung ho about the person or the deal regardless, but the rejection didn’t feel good and whoever it came from brought me back to the same emotional state I was in when standing alone in the stairwell.
You’re reading this weekly update and thinking this is hardly an update. Besides, why is he telling us this depressing story? Well it is an update and I’ll explain why…
A few weeks ago, FAC decided that we really wanted to do something bold to get our message out there. What can be more bold than putting up a large billboard on the side of the highway saying the registry is a failure?!? It was a great idea and something I was very excited to be a part of. We had finally agreed to be more bold in our mission to abolish the registry and these steps we were taking needed to be supported by some strong public awareness in order to go anywhere.
So FAC decided that it would create an advertiser account with a digital billboard company and start placing ads. What should have been a simple application wasn’t. Our login worked, and then didn’t. We’d create a new account and it would disappear. We called customer support and they couldn’t find us. I eventually realized someone must have Googled “Florida Action Committee” and decided we were not going to get an account. OK… so we opened an account under a different entity, and once that foundation was established, we submitted our artwork. Design was rejected… hmmm… we followed the dimensions precisely. One of our members who is a graphic artist put it together, so it’s not formatting. It must be something else.
Of course I knew the real reason, but the rejection didn’t feel good and it brought back that stairwell feeling again. However, I was undeterred. We were trying to drive visitors to our website, which is clearly one sided. Instead, we’ll drive traffic to another website that won’t be one sided. It’ll share no opinion, have no mission statement and not be for or against the registry. It will simply cite statistics from reputable sources, including the government, and contain only the facts. We’ll call it RegistryFacts.com!
We got the domain, we built the site, we redid our artwork for the zillionth time and we submitted. And we got rejected. Again. And Again. And Again. Different billboard designs, different placements, different messaging. This was taking a lot of time and I finally had to ask whether these were legitimate rejections or did we get blackballed by the company and no matter what hoops we jumped through, even if we put up a billboard with unicorns and puppies we’d be rejected. The answer I got wasn’t positive. We were definitely getting rejected no matter what we did.
So again you ask; “why is he telling us this depressing story?” Well the update is we finally got our first billboard approved! We don’t want to announce where it is or what it looks like in case any vigilantes are reading this, but just know that after a lot of persistence and rejection, we were able to reassure the people we were dealing with that FAC is not a “pro-sex offending” organization and we really and genuinely are looking to make our communities safer and afford everyone the opportunity to live a fulfilling, non-offending, life. If they just got to know us and give us a chance, they will discover we’re alright.
And, as I mentioned above, I did eventually get married and to someone much better than “cigarette girl”! While that part is not an FAC update, it all ties into the general message for this week. We are all going to go through significant rejection because of this situation. It’s painful. It’s demotivating. It makes you not try in the first place just to avoid getting the “stairwell feeling”. But I promise you that if you remain persistent, be true to who you are, allow yourself to grieve the inevitable losses but never give up, then one day you will be seen for who you are. And not only seen… but seen by more than 20,000 daily commuters along Florida’s Turnpike in central Florida. So don’t give up!
Sincerely,
The Florida Action Committee
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SOME HEADLINES FROM THE WEEK Please sign our petition!!! We are just shy of 4,000. If everyone shares it with 2 people we can get to 4,500 quickly.
Another Florida voter fraud case dismissed. Miami judge calls BS on statewide prosecutor
In August, Gov. Ron DeSantis’ announced that his “elections police” were cracking down on the scofflaws who dared to vote. In the corresponding wave of arrests that followed, nearly 20 people were arrested for “voter fraud” – their crime? Voting, even though Florida’s…
A response to the “if you don’t like it, leave” commenters.
When someone complains about Florida, or any other state for that matter, and other commenters reply with “then you should move to another state”, lets just keep in mind that’s not a viable solution for everyone. First, if you are on any form of supervision, you can’t…
“Freedom” As a Level 2 Sex Offender“
“Freedom” as a level 2 sex offender” is the section title of a federal lawsuit filed by Anthony Broadwater against municipal officials and the government following his wrongful arrest for a sexual crime in NY that took place decades ago. The complaint reads, “Mr….
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Thanks for sharing this. Yes it’s frustrating and hurtful and dehumanizing and all of the other adjectives we have experienced. There is hope here and determination and persistence. Those qualities and good tactics will break down the walls of our minds and of those that continually oppress us because of our mistakes. Blessings to all this holiday season and focus on what you are thankful for
I almost cried, but I definitely am smiling. Your dedication is amazing. Thank you.
Reminder – Donate. Even $5 matters. FAC does so much with so little. They are humble in asking for funds…but I will say it. Donate. Please.
Thank You for being brave enough to tell your story ( which is amazingly similar to mine but don’t know if I’ld be brave enough to admit to all the dehumanizing rejections I’ve also gone through) . There must be tens of thousands or perhaps hundreds of thousands of individuals that have had similar experiences. You are a warrior. May you continue to inspire for truth and justice.
Thank you so much, FAC, for your encouraging actions and words, because we all need need encouragement.
It is also very encouraging to hear that you have been working behind the scenes on something that many, if not all of us, were unaware of.
Truth can be rejected, but it can NEVER be stamped out.
The truth will always remain the truth, and the truth will always finds its way to the surface no matter how many people try to drown it with lies.
Thank you, FAC, and may God strengthen all of you and give you the wisdom and finances necessary to continue your work that we all may be freed from the social and political prison we are being held captive in.
I really wish you all would not take the position that the sex offender registry must be abolished.
It won’t ever happen and it is an extreme position. And it just hardens opposition to abolish the registry.
Yes, we all know the registry, especially unlimited public notification, does not protect the public.
However, what is the solution for those on the registry who are dangerous?
I hear almost nothing about those people and what to do about them.
Every other registry in the world has a system whereby a person can apply to be relieved of registry obligations as a RIGHT after some period of reasonable time (England 15 years).
Taking this position will tell society that you are serious about those that will reoffend and stopping them while at the same time there should be a legal recognition that many will not reoffend.
I believe the US Constitution does not require known dangerous people to be unregulated BUT does require a system of DUE PROCESS to shake out which ones need regulation and which ones do not.
I have been in prison. Some there who get out will look to reoffend, and many will not. That is a fact.
Which is which? And the answer to that is the responsibility of the US Constitution and is what I advocate for.
In other words: I want my DUE PROCESS. I don’t get it, I don’t go back on the registry.
Anyway.. I liked the story. Trying to establish healthy relationships while on a registry is so important for mental health and so difficult to do because of the social stigma. And that is really what my DUE PROCESS argument is about: The State does not get to create a list of social outcasts based solely on their determinations without individualized determinations.
I appreciate you sharing this. Brings back memories of me having to tell dates the “Secret” that must not be spoken. I used to wait until we had bonded a bit before spilling the beans. Frankly I tried it both ways and I guess it depended on the individual.
It is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t scenario. If you mention it on the first date, the percentage is high you won’t see them again. If you wait a few dates in, they accuse you of not only being a sex offender but also a liar. (Technically withholding information until a later time is not a lie, but rather not forthcoming).
I suppose people who have a murder charge on their record also go through this and to a point, anyone with a record. But yes, those on the registry have the hardest time. It is not even the charge (It is for some) but getting past the requirements of dating someone who is plastered all over the registry for everyone to see and bash the person who dares to date you. I have experienced that plenty, where they are guilted by friends and family to break up with you.
Alas, I stopped dating about 11 years ago. It is very lonely on the one hand, but a lot less stress and responsibility on the other hand.
I have 2 things to say one is I recently had a similar experience a girl I see quiet regularly at a store where we live who I talk to all the time and would have considered a freind for a year or more all the sudden told me IDONT FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE! Loudly in the store . the store manager told her my status because she seen that we talked and were friends. The manager don’t like me because she tried to use me to make her boyfriend jealous and I said in front of him I was not interested in her . since then she has been doing anything she can to cause me problems any time I go into that store. Its the only one within walking distance of my house. But on the flip side of the coin a new neighbor moved in next door I told him I wanted to tell him something and told him my status his response was that takes a lot of guts. for you to not know me and tell me that first thing I told him my reason was because his kids are over there sometimes and I wanted him to know I pose no harm to them. He said thank you and if you need anything just let me know we have been friends ever since he is a ex military guy who did several tours in affgansastan ,and iraq . The second thing I wanted to say is to rudy 101 although I some what agree with part of your statement that due process should be applied I disagree with that we should quit pushing to abolish the unconstitutional registry . you are right the ones who want to re offend will. However to cite the last line of the pledge we took in school ” with liberty and justice for all. There is nothing “just” about the registry nor do you have actual liberty living on the registry. And 150 years ago most people would have said y’all need to stop saying abolish slavery it will never happen guess what people who believed it was wrong and continued to fight the injustice and did not bow down and quit finally won. We must have faith my brothers and sisters eventually common sense will prevail
You say a registry is unconstitutional WHY? Why do you equate a registry the way it is now with the ONLY way to apply a registry?
You have lost as much “common sense” as those who love the registry. You have come up with zero answers about what to do with those who are dangerous except to shrug your shoulders in resignation.
Slavery was wrong for all slaves. Aspects of the registry might be able to be justified as it is applied to individuals. Even public notification for some.
What makes the registry unconstitutional is the lack of DUE PROCESS. The registry doesn’t make individual determinations of dangerousness. Some states try and put everyone into a box of levels and then, without regard to individualized assessments, determines falsely that the levels applied, even a little bit accurately reflects dangerousness or to remedy the dangerousness.
Let me put it this way. There are some very dangerous people on the registry. The registry, as it is now does nothing to alleviate that dangerous. All it does is tell the community they are dangerous and waits for them to attack.
Because many were never going to reoffend anyway, it is pointed out that it must be the registry which did that. All the while the dangerous ones become more alienated and isolated.
That is insanity.
A registry by itself, can’t force searches on anyone. It can’t force therapy. It is strictly limited to statutory regulations.
A COURT can implement all sorts of regulations upon a finding of dangeoruness. But they have to consult experts who have actually individually assessed the person. They also have to limit their rulings to ONLY dangerousness. So if a person isn’t any longer dangerous, they are relieved of the regulations.
Whatever you did, the community is scared you might have a predisposition to do it again. You are telling them not to care.
They care…so you better have a good answer. Tell them you are willing to demonstrate to A COURT you are not dangerous.
You might get people to believe you.
Rudy,
We appreciate the dialogue and respect your input. FAC has taken the position that the registry should be abolished for a number of reasons that we listed in a weekly update from a few weeks ago. If you can’t find it in our site, ask and I’ll dig it up for you. The main reason for suggesting it should be abolished is that it’s ineffective. It simply does not work. It might even be counter-productive because it creates housing and employment instability which are triggers for reoffense.
In 2014 we had what’s called the “scorched earth year” for registration legislation. It came after Donald Smith, a registrant, abducted and killed a girl from a walmart. He was on the registry and even if you argue he was the poster child of who should have been on the registry, it did not prevent him from reoffending.
If the registry is a naming and shaming tool intended to punish individuals, it’s effective. If the registry is a tool to prevent sexual offenses it’s totally ineffective. For the longest time we were trying to “reform” the registry to pare it down to only the most dangerous or people who are actually in the communities, but the reality is that would not make the registry somehow work, it would still be useless, but would spare some of us, leaving others. Why? If it doesn’t work, what’s the point?
FAC
To justify the abolishment of the registries because of the lack of due process, imagine if the Government decided that ALL ex felons with ALL crimes were to be put on registries for the public to see? The chaos would be so extreme that I believe even the U.S military would not be able to contain the crowds.
But apply it to the frail, the weak, the scared and the sickos and no one will complain right? I / we (I am sure I am not alone) often feel like the law / constitution was edited to take away any and all right we had/have because they throw out the old “It is not punishment”. How long can that keep being used before it backfires? The reason it stands because no one want to commit political suicide by sticking up for the sickos.
Thank God there are a few judges out there that actually believe in the law. But since we don’t get to pick what judge we want, the odds are stacked against us.
The registry does not work because the legislature is in charge and not courts.
We all know that therapy works for offenders. But a registry cannot force therapy, courts can upon a finding of dangerousness.
Your flaw in your thinking is that you equate any registry with what it is now. That concept should be abolished. But a court, with experts and evaluations should regulate and THEN we would see better outcomes.
But I think it is a huge mistake to totally dismiss the concerns of society.
Every person is an individual before the law.
Throw out the whole registry as it is now and build something that can show effectiveness.
I am not an expert. I don’t have all the answers. But a registry can work, if done correctly.
Is there any one example of a registry that works?
I am going to say England. They have a registry for 5, 10, or life. But at life anyone can petition off at 15 years.
It is a pretty comprehensive system. But also so very different from the American version. Generally full public disclosure is not allowed and there are protections where people can’t be thrown on the streets due to a conviction. There are also job protections also. You allowed (and encouraged to have) social media.
But they also can search, regulate travel, and they want to know your social circle, and they demand therapy. I don’t think they have lifetime ankle monitoring.
I am not 100% sure about all of this… but there nothing out there more punitive or destructive than the American system.
Again, respectfully, I think we’re saying the same thing… Nobody is dismissing the concerns of society and one of our first defenses when we are attacked for being a “pro sex offender” organization, is that we are not. We are against sexual offending and we are for measures that are demonstrated to be effective in reducing it.
You wrote, “Your flaw in your thinking is that you equate any registry with what it is now. That concept should be abolished.” That’s exactly what we are saying. The only registry we can equate anything to is the state of the registry we are are dealing with right now and in it’s current form. We clearly suggested it be scrapped and measures that have been demonstrated to be effective can be implemented.
But that requires a complete tear down.
Here’s an analogy… my kid is into legos. He keeps getting these lego kits, one is a car, one is a castle, one is a dinosaur, one is a space ship, etc. and he throws them into one big bin so they are all commingled. He then comes to the family as we’re eating dinner with this huge monstrosity. He tells us it’s a race car. So I look at this blob and the wheels don’t turn because he has truck tires on one side and the track from a tank on the other. It keeps tipping over because he has the large shovel of a construction excavator sitting on top. For some reason, instead of the driver’s helmet he has a barber pole on his head because I guess it just fit there. Still, he calls it a race car and tells everyone that this race car is the fastest in the world and everyone around the table says, “oh yeah, that’s the best race car. You’re going to win every race!”
It’s like the “registry”, you keep throwing useless crap onto it, the thing is going to go nowhere and eventually tip over from it’s own weight. Sure, I can pull a single wheel off the blob and roll it down the hallway. That might work. But unless the blob is dismantled and you go piece by piece determining what works, what doesn’t and what has absolutely no place in this statute to begin with, you’re not going to get a race car by pulling off one block at a time and seeing if it suddenly becomes a race car.
FAC, your comments are instant classics that never appear in the Recent Comments section of the homepage and I almost miss them as they sneak by. Why should my comments be more prominent than yours?
Anyway, this is a debate worth having because many people instinctively adopt Rudy’s view.
Rudy
Regardless of any stance, the application of the registry to those done retroactively at least should be illegal. Due process was not followed, therefore regardless of what someone did, going back in time and punishing after the fact is not what a decent court does. This is what countries like Russia does to its people. suppression without cause.
It was not even done fairly (If registry are fair at all) because those before 1997 got a break. Well Mine was 1991 but because I was still on probation, I didn’t qualify to be exempt. I did not get to argue that in court when I was sentenced otherwise I would have never ever taken a plea. I and many others were deceived immensely, beyond comprehension.
And there is mostly no path forward as many of us have been off probation for decades, and yet police still come to our doors at random for probation like check ins. I have to go in 4 times a year to the sheriffs office and get a photo taken for life to be plastered all over the internet for everyone to see and come and harass me and my family on a weekly basis.
I could go on but what is the point, you have made up your mind.
You should get to argue. In a court with a lawyer and it should be your RIGHT. Especially because of the ex-post facto nature of the registry.
But I am arguing that a legislature should not have full control over who goes on a registry. Because it is supposed to be protective a court must be the final gate keeper.
At least you got a door to live behind. That means you likely have a support system. On a registry I don’t. That is why it is imperative I never go back on. The registry not only does not protect but is actually dangerous to be on.
For sure the up and downs of life are magnified by the registry. I have had similar experiences from getting phone numbers from enthusiastic persons only to be ghosted later, to employers offering great positions only to be withdrawn when tell them of my past mistake. But I have also had some heartwarming experiences of persons looking past my mistake.
Thanks for sharing! We all benefit from hearing about our challenges and triumphs.
FAC is a blessing (and I say that as a non religious person). We are very lucky to have the leadership, talent, and drive of all those volunteers. I am sending them more money now. I call it heart dollars. What other investment can better our lives better than in our fight for justice and fairness?
This is one of the moments that brings light to our lives. I went through similar situations, even with stellar qualifications and experiences, first rate academics and several college degrees, I got rejected more times that the numbers of my age, and that is not even taking in account how many times I got rejected by potential dates.
I remember one friend I had since my beginnings in the Army, I reconnected with him and before he even asked me how was my life and my children, his quick question was “I was looking for you and I found some derogatory information, what happened, I need to know!”….well…that was the last word exchanged because I never answered and left him hanged with his own questions….bottom line: if you don’t care about me and my family first, then you have no business asking me personal questions.
Now I just got married last week with a wonderful lady, who knows well my past, knows my present and were trust and love is unquestioned to build together a better future.
Don’t give up, dream high and make it happen !
Your story is sad and certainly unfair however, I would not have opened with that fact. Why did you do that. That is personal information that should be given voluntarily out only in a TRUE ‘need to know’ basis. At work and with a coworker is not the place and her reaction was predictable and understandable.
After a date or two I can see it (if you see a future) but it is not the first thing to tell someone you might developing a friendship with. It can be revealed when the time is right which should be AFTER they know you more personally and can see that the label of SO is just that – a label and that you are much more than that!
Happy Holidays!
Really enjoyed reading this post. I’ve moved on in every aspect of my life except romance. After way too many rejections after bringing up my registry status I’ve simply given up. My best to the author and his spouse.
But If anyone is on the Turnpike and see’s this billboard, would LOVE to see a picture of it!
Thank you for that touching share that many of us can relate too. Also I love the idea of a billboard. It will spark curiosity and people can look up these facts without on their own time in the privacy of their own home. Maybe it will change a few minds and get us closer to a critical mass of changing public opinion.
Thank you for sharing your story. My son’s offense happened in Florida but there was no place for him to live, so he transferred to Michigan – got the approval of the court to relocate there. It’s a rural area with limited number of people, so he has had a terrible time trying to find a significant other. I read your post to him, hoping it would bring him some hope and determination to NOT GIVE UP!!!! I would have normally gotten a grunt from him, but this was more like a “huh!” – meaning (I think) ok I get it – maybe it is possible…maybe there is hope.
Thank you for your hard work and for your story. Thank you to ALL at FAC for everything you do. Thank you to all who have contributed to the cause! I have not been able to but as soon as I get approved for disability, I promise to make a very nice contribution myself!
Great post. Personally I have been fortunate in that my better half stuck with me. I LOVE her every day for doing that because without her, I don’t know what I would have done. I REALLY hope the billboards work in Florida. If they do, maybe than it will reach the entire nation. One can only hope. Move Ahead FAC